• Delia Iaboni

My love/hate relationship (with my hair)

Has anyone in your life ever made you feel inferior due to your image? Has cutting your hair always filled you with anxiety?

That's me. Let's start from the beginning so you can understand how something so trivial had a huge impact on my self esteem.

As a little girl I think I was 5 years old when I first learned my hair was ugly and as I grew up I was told many times "your hair is ugly" by different people and these words have caused a life-long struggle with my own self image, particularly and obviously my hair.

My hair was thick and straight. Unlike the other women in my culture who’s hair tends to be full and wavy, flowing with natural curls that I did not possess.

You see in my culture, the image of beautiful hair is long waves, or a bit curly and mine was all the opposite. And to make matters worse for me, my younger sisters have such beautiful hair for societal standards.

Check my photo as a child. Yes, I am the one on the right.

So, the fastest way to deal with my unruly hair was to cut it off, so short that I looked like a little boy rather than a little girl.

Why was my hair different? I guess because I am always different and my hair was no exception. I am not your ordinary woman that you see in magazines, or what magazines tell you that you should be like. I am loud and colorful. I never wanted to be the centre of attention, but my personality often keeps me there. You can always find me on the dance floor at a function, or the social butterfly making friends with strangers. I have learned as I have grown older, to not care what other people think of me. I have my family and friends, a loving husband who loves and respects me in every way that I am, and my hair is no exception.

As I grew up I made peace with my hair and somehow I ended up loving it and I let it grow and grow and grow. It felt like it was growing a plant from the seed and watched it grow. I have love for my hair now, and I keep it long purposely. I have learned how to manage my hair, washing it only every other day. I often keep it up in a bun on the top of my head to keep it out of my face, but I am also not a stranger to keeping it down, and letting it flow in all its unruly glory!

Every time I go to the hair salon, a little bit of anxiety builds within me. Sometimes I get so anxious that I put off going for a little bit, until I can gain the confidence that it will be ok. I make sure they don’t cut my hair too short, and specifically tell them to cut it longer than I intend, just in case they cut it shorter than I say. I guess some traumas last longer than we hope.

I don’t know who wrote the rule, that the older you get the shorter your hair should be. I guess it’s because we don’t want to spend time styling long hair. I know some women who feel liberated with their hair short, but I am just not quite there yet.

To finalize I will quote Coco Chanel “ A woman who cuts her hair is about to change her life”.

What is the first thing you do when you want a change? You lose weight, buy new clothes, get a new job or a new partner...cut your hair?

I will do all of the above except cut my hair. I am a 50 plus young lady with long hair and guess what, I love it!!!!!

Yes, it’s time consuming and you do pay more at the salon but for me I am totally worth it.


A happy, long-haired lady.

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